Trauma: when a past experience keeps living in the present as if it were still happening
Some people have memories that come back uninvited. In certain situations, or with certain smells, sounds or images, they feel something fire inside them in a way they cannot control. They have spent years trying not to think about something that happened, and yet it keeps appearing: at night, in quiet moments, in reactions to situations that are completely neutral for others. They wonder why they cannot simply move on, why something that happened long ago still has so much power over the present. And sometimes they do not even recognise what they went through as trauma, because they believe it was not serious enough to deserve that name.
Trauma is not defined by how objectively serious the event was. It is defined by the impact it had on the emotional and nervous system of the person who lived through it. Two people can go through the same experience and one is marked by it while the other is not. That says nothing about either person’s strength. It says something about how each was at that moment, what support they had and how they processed what happened. If the impact was significant and is still present, it deserves attention, regardless of what others may think about how serious it was.
What trauma is
Trauma is the response of the emotional and nervous system to an experience that exceeded the person’s capacity to process it at the time. It is not simply having lived through something difficult. It is having lived through something the nervous system could not integrate in the way it integrates everyday experiences, so it was stored differently: more vivid, more reactive, more present than it should be.
There is acute trauma, which arises from a single, bounded event: an accident, an assault, a sudden loss, a natural disaster. And there is complex or relational trauma, which arises from repeated experiences sustained over time, especially early in life: abuse, neglect, domestic violence, emotionally invalidating environments. Complex trauma has a deeper and wider impact because it happened during the most formative stages of development and shaped how the person learned to relate to themselves and the world.
There is also what is sometimes called “small-t” trauma: experiences that are not catastrophic but left a significant mark, such as repeated rejection, humiliation, emotional abandonment, or growing up feeling different or unloved. These experiences deserve the same attention as more obvious trauma, because their impact can be just as deep.
How trauma works in body and mind
To understand trauma, you need to understand something fundamental: trauma is not a memory. It is an experience imprinted on the nervous system in a way that makes body and mind respond as if it were still happening.
When we go through something that exceeds our capacity to process it, the nervous system activates an emergency response: fight, flight or freeze. If that response cannot be completed, if the person could not fight, flee or process what happened, the activation stays trapped in the nervous system. From there, any stimulus that recalls the original experience, even indirectly, can reactivate that emergency response as if the danger were happening now.
That is why trauma is not resolved simply by thinking about it differently, talking about it or trying to rationalise it. It happens at a deeper level than conscious thought, and needs an approach that reaches that level.
How unresolved trauma shows up
Re-experiencing symptoms: flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories that appear uninvited, with a vividness and emotional charge that make them feel as if they were happening now. The person is not remembering: they are reliving.
Nervous system hyperarousal: constant alertness, being easily startled, difficulty relaxing, insomnia, irritability, a sense of always having to be on guard. A nervous system that learned the world is dangerous and keeps responding as if it were, even when the danger has gone.
Avoidance: staying away from people, places, situations, thoughts or emotions that recall the traumatic experience. Avoidance protects in the short term but prevents processing and keeps the trauma active.
Dissociation: feeling disconnected from your own body or from reality, watching yourself from outside, a sense that things are not quite real. Dissociation is an adaptive response of the nervous system to something unbearable, but when it becomes chronic it interferes with being present in your own life.
Impact on self-image: deep shame, a feeling of being broken or different from others, the belief that what happened was your fault, a sense that the world is fundamentally dangerous or that people cannot be trusted.
Difficulties in relationships: trust problems, hypersensitivity to rejection or abandonment, difficulty with intimacy, relationship patterns that repeat the dynamics of the original trauma without the person understanding why.
Physical symptoms: chronic muscle tension, digestive problems, headaches, fatigue, pain without a clear medical cause. The body keeps the trauma. And sometimes it expresses it in ways medicine cannot explain without taking the emotional dimension into account.
The myth that time heals everything
One of the most widespread ideas about trauma is that it fades with time. That if you do not think about it, keep going and build a life, the trauma will dissolve. Sometimes that happens, especially with less severe trauma and a good support network. But in many cases it does not.
Time does not process trauma. It files it away. And that file can stay dormant for years and be reactivated at any moment: in a situation that recalls it, at a more vulnerable time of life, in a relationship that touches the same wounds. It is not that the person is weak for not having got over it. It is that trauma needs processing, not just time.
Who can develop trauma
Anyone, regardless of their strength, intelligence or resilience. Trauma is not a sign of weakness. It is the natural response of a nervous system to something that exceeded its processing capacity at the time. What varies from person to person is prior vulnerability, the context of the experience, the support available afterwards and how the nervous system responded.
Some experiences are more likely to cause trauma: those that happen unexpectedly, involve a real threat to life or integrity, create a sense of total helplessness, and especially those caused by someone you depended on for safety. But any experience can be traumatic if that person’s nervous system could not process it at that moment.
How we work with trauma at Tierra de Crecimiento
At Tierra de Crecimiento Psicología we work with trauma through an approach focused on emotions and the body, which is where trauma lives. This means we do not ask people to recount what happened again and again, or to face it before they are ready. The pace is always set by the person, and the safety of the process is the priority.
The therapeutic work has several phases that are approached gradually:
Stabilisation: before working on the trauma directly, the person needs enough inner resources to do so without being retraumatised. This includes developing emotional regulation, building a safe therapeutic relationship and setting up the conditions that make the work sustainable.
Processing: working through traumatic experiences in a way that allows the nervous system to integrate them, lets trapped emotions find expression and movement, and stops memories from disorganising the present. The aim is not to forget what happened. It is for it to be remembered without the body responding as if it were happening now.
Integration: rebuilding the sense of self and of the world that the trauma damaged. Regaining the ability to be present, to trust, to enjoy and to look to the future from a place not dominated by the past.
The work takes place in individual sessions, in person in Madrid or online. When trauma comes with severe post-traumatic stress symptoms, depression or intense dissociation, therapy can be complemented by a medical assessment that considers medication, always as an additional tool alongside the emotional work, never as a substitute.
If something from the past keeps living in your present in a way you have not been able to resolve on your own, we can support you. Contact us for an initial, no-commitment consultation.
Do you recognise yourself in what you have read about trauma?
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